j'ai pas trop le courage de les traduire, même si elles m'ont bien fait marrer. Si les non-anglicistes/anglophones butent un peu, je veux bien en traduire quelques-unes.
What do a vacuum cleaner and an electric guitar have in common?
When you plug them in, they suck.
How do you make a rock guitarist play more quietly?
Put a sheet of music in front of him.
How do you make him stop?
Put notes on it!
Johnny says to his mom, "I want to be a drummer when I grow up."
Mom says, "But Johnny, you can't do both."
Did you hear the one about the bass player who locked his keys in the car on the way to a gig?
It took him two hours to get the drummer out.
Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.
- OR -
Moving targets are harder to hit.
Why do so many fishermen own banjos?
They make great anchors. or, A. They make great paddles.
What's a accordion good for?
Learning how to fold a map.
What's the difference between an Appalachian dulcimer and a hammered dulcimer?
A hammered dulcimer burns hotter; an Appalachian dulcimer burns longer.
How many country & western singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change the bulb and two to sing about the old one.
What's the difference between a puppy and a singer-songwriter?
Eventually the puppy stops whining.
Know how to make a million dollars singing jazz?
Start with two million.
What's the first thing a musician says at work?
"Would you like fries with that?"
If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for directions, an in-tune tenor sax player, an out of tune sax player, or Santa Claus?
The out of tune sax player. The other two would indicate you're hallucinating.
Little Johnny says "I want to be a musicain when I grow up.
Mom says, "Honey you can't do both."
What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?"
No one cries when you cut up a banjo
"How many Nashville chick singers does it take to sing "Crazy"?
All of them
What's the definition of an "optimist"?
An accordian player with a beeper.
An accordian player and banjo player happen to get a New Year's Eve gig and everything comes up "7's"....the songs are tight, the crowd is jammin', the beer is flowing, money's being made by the bushel. After the gig the club owner comes up to the two pickers and says "man....you guys were slammin' tonight...the crowd loved ya and so did I....in fact, I want you guys back for next New Years also!" The banjo players says "awesome!....can we leave our stuff set up???".
Whats the range on a piccolo?
20 yards if you have a good arm, 30 it you put it in a trash compactor first.
Did you hear about the bass player that was so bad ,even the lead singer noticed ?
How many bass players does it take to screw in a lightbulb......... None, the key board player does it with his left hand.
What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?......... Homeless
Did you here about the guy who parked his car in the City with his accordian on the back seat?
When he came back, he had two accordians.
What does a sneeze and a drum solo have in common?
You know when there coming and theres nothing you can do about it.
There are three kinds of people in this world, those that can count and those that can't.
Two roadies were moving the cart of amps and drum cases, in order to load them back onto the tour truck The singer came by and said, "You should push the cart instead of pulling it. It's a lot easier."
So the roadies turned around and started pushing the cart.
The one said to the other, "You know, this is a lot easier."
The other replied, "Yeah, but we're getting farther away from the truck". **
A drummer goes to the doctor complaining of tiredness and headaches and reports, "I feel tired all the time, my head hurts, and I'm not sleeping. What is it, Doc?"
The doctor examines him thoroughly and says, "I can't find anything wrong. It must be the drinking."
"Fair enough," replied the drummer, "I'll come back when your sober." **
Drummer: "If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?'
Manager:: "No"
Drummer: "Okay, then forget it." **
A blonde singer suspects her band leader is going to audition a new lead singer, so she decides to bring a gun to practice. Overcome with grief she walks in front of everybody and puts the gun to her head.
The bandleader sees the gun and yells, "No - Don't! Don't do it!"
The blonde replies, "Shut up! You're next!" **
Finally everyone had gotten off the tour bus except for the singer's aged mother walking with a cane. Stopping next to the driver she said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why no Ma'am," Replied the driver. "What is it?"
"Did we arrive, or were we shot down?" **
How many lead guitarists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A dozen - One to actually do it, the rest to stand around saying they could have done it better.
How do you know its the drummer at the door?
The knocking speeds up, slows down, speeds up, ...
Why did they bury the banjo player twenty feet deep?
Because, deep down he was a nice guy.
Whats the difference between a lead guitarist and a pizza?
A pizza can feed a family of four.
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat miner.
Quand j'entends le mot culture, je sors mon revolver.
